Well, surgery day is almost here. I have mixed emotions for sure that range from wanting to run and hide and pretend that this isn’t really happening to just wanting to get this over with. These past three weeks have been among the most difficult times of my life so far, but I am feeling pretty good at this point, considering all factors.
Last week was hectic as I funneled my nervous energy into doing as much preparation at home as possible. I’m caught up on my schoolwork and paperwork, the freezer is fully-stocked with green smoothies and vegetable and bean blended soups, the cat-sitter is scheduled to be here Monday and Tuesday morning, my mom will be visiting toward the end of the week and I have some other friends coming by for a visit on Wednesday and the week after next. At some point, too, my sister will visit from Seattle.
I should only be in the hospital for 24 hours or so (fingers crossed!), but I carefully packed my bag with all of the essentials:
A girl needs to smell and look nice even while at the hospital, don’t you think?
I’m also bringing a change of clothes, slippers, socks, my temporary thyroid medication until I get my regular prescription, Tylenol, tea bags and my entertainment options:
I added a ton of stuff to my Netflix Instant Queue including Grey’s Anatomy, Felicity and Ally McBeal so I can revert to my 20-something self while I am recuperating.
As far as the food goes, I have no idea whether or not I will want to eat after surgery. I will let my appetite be the judge of that. I have heard other people who have had this surgery say that their throats are very sore from the breathing tube, so I am just bringing some of the vegetable broth I made, some watermelon and a green smoothie or two.
I made Alan this awesome salad to munch on while he is waiting:
This morning, I made plans to do what I enjoy the most: be outside, be active and see the ocean. I did all three:
I like this picture of me because it is how I want to be after the surgery: alive (duh!) and happy:
I loved seeing this flock of geese while I was out:
I’ve definitely gotten more philosophical while dealing with this cancer thing; it’s made me think about my own mortality and the things I want to do with my life. I guess you could say that some of these realizations might be a silver lining to the dark cloud, but I’ve grown out of some of the anger that I harbored from my past and old relationships, I’ve become more grateful for the present and all of the wonderful people and aspects of my life, and I am overall more aware of my resilience and inner strength.
I’ve definitely been looking at my future differently, too, and have thought more about what I want to do with my career. You will hear more on that later!
I know I’ve had the opportunity to thank so many of you for the incredibly supportive e-mails, calls and messages you’ve sent me these past several weeks, but please humor me again and let me just tell you what a huge difference it has made for me so THANK YOU!!!
All my love,